There comes a point when we just get tired of toning down, playing small and living by the rules.
At some point on our Wild Woman journeys, we start to question some of the deepest things we took for granted in our lives – like why we’re in a relationship with that man, or climbing the corporate ladder, or always working overtime on our business.
And sometimes, the thing that we need to look at the most, is the thing that we don’t want to look at.
For me, that thing that I didn’t want to look at for the longest time was my college degree. I was clear on the fact that compromises are lame, and I encouraged my clients to go after their dreams and make some uncomfortable decisions along the way to free themselves to do just that.
So in theory, I was all in on living with no compromises. And I was doing pretty good at it, well, apart from the fact that whenever I wrote “Get straight A’s in my degree in psychology” on my list of goals or intended to religiously study for my seminar on perception – I just didn’t want to do it. And not in an “Oh, I’m just lazy and need to be more disciplined” way, but in a “this is really uninspiring” kind of way.
I always worried why I felt the way I felt and told myself that I just needed to change my approach to things to make college fit me. I was convinced that I was just making some mysterious mistake and that if I just tweaked things enough, I’d finally feel good about college.
But nothing could silence the little voice that said: “I wish this was over already so I could focus on what I really wanna do”.
Deep down I know that college wasn’t working for me, and I was in DENIAL. Like, big time.
This is something that is super common and that I see with my clients a lot: When we don’t know the solution to our problem, admitting that something sucks seems so painful that we don’t wanna admit it, we just deny those feelings altogether.
We might fake analyze them, sit down with our journal pretending to wanna get clear on things, but really, we’re ready to see anything but the truth emerge on the pages.
And then we wonder why our intuition doesn’t wanna talk to us – that’s just what happens when you censor her.
Here’s what I want you to understand:
You know everything you need to know already.
The answers lie within you, always.
It’s like when you open your cupboard and find out that you had your favorite chocolate all along, so it was kinda unnecessary to worry about having to go out and search for an alternative (BECAUSE NOTHING CAN REPLACE IT) in the store around the corner. Sorta.
So what does it take to get your intuition to talk to you and access those answers?
We need to become willing to consider all the options, to sit with all of our feelings, to get to know our desires. Even if those desires go against the grain, or following through on them will mean taking a leap and ruffling some feathers.
I know, easier said than done. It took me a year to learn that lesson.
Gaining clarity when you don’t know what you really want
(and you’re afraid of what the answer might bring)
When you’re questioning things or facing a big decision, here’s what you can look out for:
What’s your first thought?
So often the first thought that comes to mind when we think about what we want is the truth – but then we bury it in “well, actually it’s not so bad, I think I just need to…”
An example of that? Whenever I took a deep breath and thought about my psychology degree I thought “This doesn’t feel right”. I got really fast at drowning that dangerous thought in “Ok, so I need to reestablish my priorities here. I am in college because I want to learn about human behavior, and this is maybe the best way to do that, I think, so if I just study more then things will be fine” You get the idea.
Listen to that first thought – it’s your truth, uncensored.
“Help, my intuition isn’t talking to me!”
If you give this a try and don’t get any answers when you’re listening in, your intuition is probably waving the strike flags. This can happen when you’ve been bullshitting yourself for too long. Don’t fret, here’s what you can do:
Promise yourself that you’ll honor whatever answers come up, even if they are scary and you want to forget them right away so you can keep on doing things the way you feel you should do them.
You might not get your answers right away, but I promise you, they will come with time. Listening to your intuition is a practice, just like anything else.