Once upon a time, I struggled with sexual trauma.
Think: Crying uncontrollably on the bedroom floor, having “broken, broken, broken” run through my mind as I wonder why my body is failing me. (If you’d describe your sexuality as “broken”, find someone to talk to)
One day the desire to be whole again became greater than my fear of it not being possible. I started working with an amazing coach to heal my trauma. She helped me collect the pieces of my sexuality from the floor and I started to heal.
We talked a lot, but there was also homework.
One time my homework was to look at my vagina with a little handheld mirror. And another time she made me burn something.
That’s what this story is about.
Tell me: What are you ready to let go off?
What feels dark and constrictive and just so old?
I say burn it. That’s what I did last winter, armed with a bowl of water and a candle.
My coach told me to write down what stories and beliefs I was done with and burn them.
I wrote it all down. Words, glimpses, parts of me that were holding me back, thoughts so painful I just didn’t want to carry them anymore.
I wrote them down on a big piece of paper and then I ripped it into little pieces so that each thing had its own piece.
And then I burned them, piece by piece.
I burned them over a candle that I put on a picture frame to protect the linoleum floor in my old bedroom.
I constantly had to catch ashes and I burned my fingers. At one point my mom knocked on the door and asked what that smell was. I told her I was just burning shit and that everything was alright.
It was silly and liberating – and it worked.
A year later I am not the girl cowered on the bedroom floor burning the dark parts of herself in the candlelight. She is gone, just like the words on the paper.
I let go of that shit.
And burning it was an important step in the process of letting go and becoming who I wanted to be: sexually whole.
We could get woo-woo about it, but what I know to be true is that burning a physical representation of what’s holding you back is a clear sign that you’re ready to let go of it.
So, tell me:
What layers are you ready to let go off?
What don’t you want to take into 2015?
What doubts & limiting stories are you so over & done with?
Let me burn them for you.
Comment below and tell me. It can be one word or a sentence.
I’ll collect your stories, limiting beliefs, fears & dark pieces and write them all on a big piece of paper. And then I’ll rip it into tiny pieces and burn them.
On the balcony, this time.